Then this is for you - a witty tale of romance, humour and love for a single Black dad living in London by Adrian Ashe. The book is set from 2003, just after the invasion of Iraq.
Excerpts from the book:
"Occasionally, your eyes would meet those of another male who had been similarly and summarily repulsed from the girls' fortress of handbags on the floor. You would hurriedly look away, and plan your next silent approach to another likely target like a stealthy salt water croc in an Australian billabong."
"I thought of that fleeting, coy, flirtatious look you got from that attractive woman, a total stranger, who was standing on the opposing down escalator as you came up from the underground station. That surge in expectant emotion as you focused on her and your eyes locked with hers, and a secret Mona Lisa smile languidly curled her lips in part silent invitation, and in part curiosity, as the escalators slowly drew you level and then apart again. In reaction, a thousand images of possible combinations of the both of you flashed past in your mind, maybe even what colour eyes your unborn children would have. Then, whilst your eyes continued staring into hers, and your lips automatically smiled in return, you were calculating whether that meeting you were going to with your boss that morning could wait or not, and what the chances of a positive outcome were if you raced down after her.... Here, your heart rate would go up a notch as a rush of adrenaline shot into your blood stream in anticipation of that eventuality,. Then you had to wrench your gaze away to avoid tripping over at the end of the escalator....and the moment was gone forever, to be repeated again when another blue moon or exceptional beauty turned up."
Photo and background: A. Green (used with kind permission).
"Moments like these when I saw those beauties with those hoodies brought the green mist of envy over my eyes. What did those men - who had flash cars and girlfriends left, right, and centre - have that I didn't, I would ask myself. Those guys with their cocky attitude and lop-sided, springy, walking style that I called a hop-swagger because it reminded me of a grasshopper with one missing back leg swaggering along. Man, did that piss me off or what!"
"It seemed that the women appeared to think that if they didn't know you, and you approached them, then you were thinking 'Damn, I want to pile that arse!' and trying to get into their bootylicious pants.
So: between you, me , and the bedpost - they were right.
Otherwise there was no need to bother looking. That, however, was no reason to blank someone before you got to know them.
Never judge a book by its cover, or a woman by her backside, or a man by the size of his lunchbox and all of that."
"You could argue that my lot was better than that of the male praying mantis who would most likely be eaten alive at the same time as he was passing on his seed to his entomological lady. No wonder they called them praying mantises. The male surely did an insect prayer before his desire to sire a brood of little mantises got the better of him."
Some readers' testimonials:
"You have ruined my weekend! I couldn't put the book down. Congratulations."
"I was so engrossed in reading the book, I forgot my dinner on the cooker - and burnt the lot!"
"The book is full of laughs! I enjoyed reading it."
"The book is very good!"